hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
