Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
