i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
