we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
