so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
