just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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