Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
