i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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