yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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