My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
