I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
