I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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