I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
