at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
