What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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