Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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