The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
