ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
