i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
