Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
