I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
