Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
