If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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