if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
