You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
