Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
