you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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