We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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