so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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