someone threw a dead crab at me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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