I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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