Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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