Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
