i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
