apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
