need another drink. this is the easiest way
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so let's talk penis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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