I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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