Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
