i was born a porn star she said
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
