is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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