she looked like the before picture.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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