hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
