I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
