Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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