WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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