you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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