I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
