He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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