i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i've created a new STD.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
