My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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