??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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