just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have aggressive nipples.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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