Where is the hickey?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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