just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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