Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
