I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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