Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
