i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
