you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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