I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
