a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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