there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
