I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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