apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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