At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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