Duck Duck Cougar?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
