Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
