it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
