I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
