Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
