I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
