I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
