I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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