weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
