The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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