No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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